How to Tell a Coworker They Smell Using SBI (90-Second Script)

The Scene

You share an 8-person open-plan room with Jordan. Jordan is a strong developer — the team genuinely likes him. For the last six weeks, when Jordan is at his desk, there is a body-odor smell that is noticeable from three desks away. Two teammates have moved to the lunchroom to work. One sent you a DM last Thursday: "It is not just me, right?"

Jordan's manager is out of office all week. You are not Jordan's manager, but you are the senior engineer on the team and the person most likely to handle this without escalating to HR.

You need to tell him. You have maybe 90 seconds of actual conversation in you before it becomes excruciating for both of you. You need a script short enough you can deliver it on autopilot, specific enough he knows what you mean, and warm enough he does not quit the next week from mortification.

SBI — Situation-Behavior-Impact — is the right tool. Not because this is a "feedback" conversation in the normal sense, but because SBI's whole job is to keep the message on observable facts and off character.

SBI Recap (30 seconds)

| Component | In This Context | |---|---| | Situation | "In the last couple of weeks, at your desk" — bounded, not "forever." | | Behavior | "There has been a noticeable body odor." — observable. No speculation about cause. | | Impact | "I wanted to mention it privately so you can handle it before anyone else brings it up in a worse way." — caring, low-stakes. |

The SBI version of a hygiene conversation is short. Do not pad it. Long is crueler than short.

The 4-Round Script

Round 1: The Private, Specific Opening

Pull Jordan aside at a 1:1 boundary — a coffee walk, a quick chat in an empty conference room, a step outside on the way to the parking garage. Never at his desk. Never where anyone can overhear.

You: "Hey Jordan — can I grab you for 60 seconds? I want to flag something awkward, and I'd rather it come from me than leak through channels.

In the last couple of weeks, around your desk, there has been a noticeable body-odor smell. I do not know what is going on and I am not asking you to explain. I wanted to mention it privately so you can take a look at it before someone else says something in a more public way.

That is it. No drama, no one is upset with you — I just thought you'd want to know."

Ninety seconds, start to finish. Stop there. Do not add sentences out of nervousness.

Round 2: Wait Through the Silence

He will flinch. He will say something. Whatever he says, do not fill the gap. The 3-5 seconds of silence after the message is where the respect lives.

Jordan: "Oh — oh, god. How long has this been going on?"

You: "Maybe two to three weeks. I noticed it last week and wanted to wait a day or two to see if it was a one-off. It is not a one-off, but it is not 'the whole team is in crisis,' either. That is why I am coming to you now — not later."

Round 3: Give Them an Out

Your only job here is to let Jordan leave the conversation with dignity. You are not his doctor, his laundry service, or his therapist.

You: "I am not going to ask what is going on — if it is a medication thing, a laundry issue, a gym thing, that is yours. I just wanted to get this in front of you before a week from now when you might hear it from the wrong person in the wrong way.

I am going to not make a thing of this going forward. If you want to grab coffee Thursday and it is already handled, we just grab coffee. No one else is in on this conversation."

Round 4: Handle the Predictable Reactions

Because this is such a raw conversation, Jordan may not respond rationally in the moment. Have a response ready for each mode.

Jordan (embarrassed): "I am so sorry — I cannot believe this. Who else noticed?"

You: "A couple of people mentioned it offhand. I am not going to name names because it is not the point — I am telling you so you can handle it once, not so you can go around the office investigating. The only people who are going to keep thinking about it are you and me, and I am going to stop thinking about it after this conversation ends."

Jordan (defensive): "That is really inappropriate. You are not my manager."

You: "You are right that I am not your manager. I am telling you this as a peer because I would rather you hear it from a friend in under a minute than from HR in a formal meeting. That is the whole calculation. If you would rather I had handled it differently, that is fair feedback for me — and it does not change what I mentioned."

Jordan (very quiet): "Okay. Thanks."

You: "Of course. I am going to go grab a coffee. I will catch you later."

Then leave. Do not hang around. The best thing you can do for him in the next 20 minutes is let him have them alone.

Common Reactions and What to Say

| Jordan's Reaction | Your Response | |---|---| | Bursts into tears / apology spiral. | "Hey — it is okay. This is legitimately the most awkward work conversation that exists. You are handling it fine. Take the afternoon if you want." | | "I have been really stressed." | "That tracks, and I am not asking for the reason. Is there anything going on I should know about separately, as a friend, not as a work thing?" | | "Why didn't you say something sooner?" | "Fair. I waited probably a week longer than I should have. That is on me." | | Gets angry, walks off. | Let him walk. Do not chase. Send a short Slack an hour later: "Hey, sorry the delivery was awkward. I meant it the way it came out — as a private heads-up. Take your time." | | "Is this going in a performance review?" | "No. This is between us. I am not writing anything down, and it is not going to his manager unless something I cannot foresee happens." |

Why SBI Beats Hinting

The bad versions of this conversation are not usually rude. They are vague — which is worse.

| Approach | How It Lands | Probability Jordan Gets the Message | |---|---|---| | Team-wide email about "desk hygiene" | Public humiliation without the specificity to act on it | 20% (and guaranteed resentment) | | Air-freshener left on his desk anonymously | Cryptic, cowardly, never solves it | 10% | | HR complaint | Formal, leaves a paper trail, traumatic | 100% — but you have nuked the relationship | | "Hey, are you okay? Is something going on?" | Too oblique — Jordan says "I'm fine, thanks" | 30% | | SBI: specific, private, short | Specific enough to act on, short enough to survive | 95% |

SBI is not the "nice" way to have this conversation. It is the shortest way — and short is the kindest thing you can be, because the longer this conversation lasts, the worse it gets for both of you.

Try It With Your Specific Workplace

The dialogue above is for an engineer named Jordan in an open-plan office. Your version might be a client-facing teammate whose smell has been flagged by a customer, a new hire who moved cities and is living out of a suitcase, or a long-tenured colleague whose circumstances have changed in a way you do not know about.

Each version has a different opening, a different most-likely pushback, and a different appropriate level of formality. ConvoPrep generates a 60-90 second SBI script for your exact situation — and then lets you practice the flinch with an AI that plays Jordan, so you don't freeze when he says "who else noticed?"

Try ConvoPrep free — convoprep.co. Rehearse the most awkward 90 seconds of your work week before it happens.

FAQ

Should I tell my manager before I have this conversation?

No, unless your manager is Jordan's manager. One-up-escalating a hygiene issue is how it becomes a formal HR matter — which is much worse for Jordan. The whole point of SBI here is to keep it small.

What if Jordan's smell has an obvious cause — medical, housing, mental health — I know about?

Then this is not the right script. If Jordan is going through chemo, or you know he has been couch-surfing, the right move is usually to tell the manager quietly so they can choose whether and how to address it with the benefits of that context. SBI is for the case where you do not know the cause.

Can I tell a coworker they smell over Slack?

No. Never. Hygiene conversations must be face-to-face, in private, in under 90 seconds. Slack leaves a record, invites typos that read worse than intended, and removes all the tone that softens the message.

What if this is the fifth time — the hygiene issue has recurred?

Then the one-peer-to-one-peer SBI conversation is not the right tool anymore. Loop in the manager. Pattern + repeated feedback + no change is a manager's job, not yours.